Never in a million years.....

I thought about creating a whole new blog dedicated just to this - but decided that posting here would be best for now.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be having brain surgery! Two and a half weeks ago I was diagnosed with an Acoustic Neuroma 0r Vestibular Schwannoma, a benign tumor that is growing on my hearing and balance nerve. ! Come to find out it is also rare.

It all started almost a year ago when I noticed I was having trouble hearing out of my left ear. Things sounded muddled. I really noticed it when I was on the phone and it always seemed like I could not hear what the person was saying. At first I thought it was a bad connection and I kept turning the volume up. One day I switched ears and could hear just fine! I chalked it up to ear wax, my allergies, turning 40 - something simple like that.

About a month ago after much persisting from my mother - I went to the ENT. The Dr and I both expected to find some ear wax build up in there - but my ears were clean as a whistle. Humm, he had me come in the next day for a hearing test. I did fine on the hearing test , but had unresponsive nerve reflexes in my left ear. Also I could not hear what the Audioligst was saying in my left ear when I had the headphones on. That seemed to alert my ENT that something was blocking my nerve. He said the next step was to get a MRI done to look for possible tumors!!!

Now that scared me! The ride home in the car was unbearable. Having to pick up my kids and put on a smiley face was tough. I forced myself to think positive - that it would be nothing! Plus we were leaving for the Keys a few days later - so I put it out of my mind till then.

Back from vacation - scedueled the MRI for the next morning. Much to my surprise I found out I would be injected with dye and that I would not be able to nurse for 3 days. That caused a bit of an emotional breakdown right then and there considering I was already nervous about the MRI itself - now I had no warning I would not be able to nurse! I pulled myself together and realized it would be ok - I would get through it all! And so would me sweet girl (another post later about that and she is doing great not nursing! )

Now comes the results of the MRI. Thankfully my wonderful and supportive hubby was able to meet me and the kids at the ENT office. That is where we found out about the benign tumor that is 2.5 cm (anything 2.5 cm and above is considered large). I honestly felt like I would throw up right there in the office, but having your kids around you make you keep yourself together! Plus I had Sage's homeschool portfolio review right after the ENT visit. How surreal was that to just be diagnosed with this and then go about your day - crazy! I called my parents and they were great - reminding me to stay positive! That it is not cancerous and we will have it removed. My whole family and friends have been so supportive!

If you are curious about what the tumor looks like and more medical terms of where it is located - this is a good site:

http://www.mayfieldclinic.com/PE-Acoustic.htm

Well that very night Tony and were looking at various websites and came across the Acoustic Neuroma Association(which is another great website! ) and found they had support groups AND they had one here in town THAT was meeting that Saturday AT my Grandmother's church! Tony and I went and I have to admit that the moment it started all of a sudden everything seemed to real and I had to fight back the tears and the urge to run from the room. Everyone there was great though and the Neurotogoist from the Office I would be going to was there that day! It gave me hope to realize that I would come out of this ok. I have my age and health on my side, highly recommended Surgeons, and a very supportive family who will be there to help out ever step of the way.

I have to say the biggest reality check for me came when post - surgery patients started talking about to recovery process. I will be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then it will take 4- 6 weeks to recover - it still had not hit me that I would be going in for brain surgery until that moment. Two weeks later it still will hit me sharply in the face and I remember - oh yeah - and I cry. Then I move on. I am trying so hard to stay positive in the face of fear. Positive in front of my kids.

So next was to go and meet Dr. Green at the Balance and Hearing Institute. He was great and answered all of our questions. I felt comforted after talking with him and knowing how knowledgeable he was about this rare tumor. Still terrified - but I know he will take good care of me and make sure my nerves are intact. That is the part that is scary since the tumor is growing in a place where it sits awfully close to my facial nerve - I could end up with facial paralysis. Please don't let that happen! Plus it sits next to the brainstem ! yikes. I find peace in knowing that even though this is rare, many have had it and are fine today! I will never get my hearing back in that ear but it is a small price to pay to keep me alive!

As far as the surgery goes they will need to cut a part of my skull out, drain the brain fluid go in and debulk the tumor. They are debulking it to perserve as much of my nerves as they can. When they are done they will reattach my skull with small titanium plates. Then we will watch the residual tumor and if it starts to grow again - I will go in for radiation!

The last appointment I had was for a long series of balance testing! They put me through the ringer that day as they liked to say. Next up is 2 pre-op visits with my two surgeon in 2 weeks! Then the actual surgery will be Oct. 4th. What a way to end my 40th year (my bday is at the end of Oct!)

I will keep everyone posted once I have my pre-op visits!